Shnat

I started this on the last night of communa, didn't finish, now I'm in the first week of the next chapter but here it is.



I haven't written very much in this communa chapter of the year, and being the last night, I think it makes sense to make some kind of review... Tomorrow morning we go to hike for a day and then begin a seminar to lead us in to our next part of the program. Last night we said goodbye to our Latinos, Alexis and Orly, because now their program goes somewhere else.

Communa has been crazy. Its been very reminiscent of home in some very good ways. Times when I feel free and happy and appreciative of my surroundings here really remind me of good things from home. Walking around in this small city, making special little places and adventures really reminds me of playing with my friends in Albany or being with my brother or cousins. Its a life at home, where I have my bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, porch, all these things from home, making it very easy for me to do things how I did in the comfort of my home, both in constructive and no so constructive ways. All in all, having this home-like section of the year, amidst thoughts, responsibilities and daily activities that are completely different from nearly anything I've experienced before has put an entirely new light on things.

Rather recently we kicked out two visitors from our communa who had stayed for a long time. It was a really messy situation, and I don't feel committed to my kvutza's behavior and decision in the matter, but here's what it was. Two friends from home came to visit after the North American seminar in Israel which we participated in. When they were here, people had an issue with not knowing how long they would stay for or feeling uncomfortable or other things like that, but no one did anything. People would make mentions of things they didn't like but neither those who felt negatively nor those who heard the negativity initiated any concrete conversation to make things make sense, by changing both the reality and the way people thought about the situation. So soon enough it came that people held a lot of negativity towards them being here and the time to make things done properly and with a healthy mindset had passed. I gave my arguments for wanting them to stay, that I don't so much have friends and family coming here to visit me, that having people with a different reality than mine that I feel so close to makes a big difference for how I can talk and think about things, that if they go I have no money to visit them and they have none to visit me, nanananaa, I cried a lot but in the end they left. There was a lot more, a lot of little parts and other people involved, lots and lots of stickiness, but that's in short.

Now closer to the point of this story. When our visitors were kicked out, I went with them to Tel Aviv. We hung out 5 people in total, all people from North America, all people from the movement, all feeling unpleasant things with the movement for all various reasons, and all in very different places in our life. What happened was magic.

We started by looking at photos Joseph had from a trip in Southeast Asia. We talked about how a different reality, maybe China's, where things are so restricted but the people may believe in the cause, the purpose for living the way they do, and don't know what they're missing out on, may have happy, meaningful lives, and that's really worth something. We talked about how in Cambodia, based on a socialist ideology, people were killed for needing glasses because they weren't conducive to the cause, and how you may have different reasons for holding the same ideaology. For me, the reason for being socialist is because I love people. My situation in the communa, where people were meant to feel so horrible because of our wanting to be together as a kvutza and have our time to be intentional and blah blah, was one that made me realize that I would rather be living a campitalist life and be living it for and with other people, having healthy, wonderful, loving relationships than be living a completely ideological life where I forget about people.
Beyond those discussions we were taken on an epic journey through beautiful photographs of absolutely astounding things. Plants, animals, buildings, really, image after image of things I could not possibly imagine what it would be like to actually see or experience. I was speachless, for maybe an hour, just speachlessly in awe at all the beautiful things I was looking at and hearing about.
We talked more, we talked about our summer camps and all the fun things that can go on there. We talked about our movement and our issues with the way things work there. I realized something epic, something holistic and wonderful, giving me answers to so many questions I had been developing since the beginning of Shnat, balances I had been looking for with too much frustration and hopelessness at finding none. I came to a conclusion I know I have and I'm sure I will come to many times in my life, and every time it will hold new significance and meaning. Life is for enjoying. If you aren't enjoying what you're doing, you're either doing the wrong thing or you need to change the way you think about it, and it is always a combination of both and taking a very active role in finding that balance. Things shouldn't be a struggle and a fight. Being so ideological, so frustrated and hopeless because ideology is ideal, utopian, it isn't real, being that way doesn't lead to progress, it leads to stagnation, to attempts in the wrong direction, to twisted routs to unachievable goals. Enjoying, really enjoying your world and the people around you, doesn't mean you do what is easiest, because without a challenge, without pushing yourself and your mind, you don't end up actually being happy. This end of the fight also means to not force yourself to be in a group of people that isn't good for the people in it. It is very, very important to learn from and get to a point of understanding between people who are different, but opposed to how I used to think, you can't have the greatest relationship in the world with any given person. There are some people you click with more easily, who are easier to talk to, who understand you better, who enjoy you more, and thats for a reason. The fact that people are different shouldn't be faught, it should be embraced. I was happy at home with my friends, I was happy at home living a capitalist life with amazing people who I had amazing relationships with, and there is nothing bad to say about that, nor is there anything to fear in what amount of capitalism I will participate in when I return as long as I know this.

This also goes in to a new variety of self-actualization that seems fantastic to me. Its not perfect, but its something that makes more sense to me than the options I see in front of me now. Joseph's idea, to have communot in different countries, not a permanent communa, not a lifelong commitment to a group of people. The communa is funded by running a small, progressive business, perhaps a bakery that donates, or an afterschool program, or a political front or something, which makes the other balance, where the sanity and happiness of a life for yourself is there, and on the other side you are working to give others that opportunity to enjoy themselves. You take the basis, the commitment to understanding each other, to enjoying each other, to being active in your mission together, having faith in each other and in the group, and the longevity of the time spent in this communa can be however long it fits for you. If you want to live communally for a period and maybe then go to school or live on your own or have a family or whatever, you live in a communa for a few years and then move on. Or, lets say you think one communa will be good for you, you want to live in Tel Aviv, so you try it, and find that you don't click with any of the people there, or the work doesn't fulfill you, but the communa in Sau Paolo might be a better fit for you, then after a year when things don't work anymore, you move there. There is a community of communot across the world, and at the same time, the people who are making the decisions, who are deciding what fits, are always changing, are always reexamining and not following the path set out for them by the generation before.

I came home to the communa worried but team fun seemed to exist there ready for me to join. I have photos of our hike to Rosh Hanikra, this time with all the kvutza, and then around a nature reserve in the area. We had an excellent, excellent day at the botanical gardens down the street from us, which turned out also to be a zoo hosting some really, really incredible animals. I again was in awe of such incredible natural beauty I was surrounded with. I swam on the beach in Nahariya and we all went out to dinner together. I also have pictures from Akko, where we had a little tour run by Sigal.

So many things have happened since then. The end of communa had a lot of fun in it, and since then, we moved out, had our hike in our new area and had our transitional seminar. We went to Tel Aviv for Purim and returned to our new home, in kibbutz Ramat Hashofet. We have a wonderful new house, surrounded by many many adorable babies and beautiful dogs. I work in catering at a nearby kibbutz and it is so fun with so many fun characters. We are beginning teaching English in Barta'a, an Arab village half Israeli and half Palestinian, where the movement has been working for 4 years now. We have more exciting things on the way and stuff is great. Perhaps I'll write some things in more detail later, but I've made myself too many empty promises in the past, so we'll see. I really plan on putting these pictures somewhere soon though, I took them for my mommy and I really want her to see them...

Peace