Shnat

It's my last day in Shnat. When I finish this, I'll be getting ready to go, saying goodbye to Europeans, the house, and our adorable little kitten who adopted us as her caretakers. She was really sick when she came to us, and we've been feeding her and giving her love and she's getting so much stronger and healthier. We call her Buffalo, because of a song we sing that says buffalo a lot, and because really she is big and strong like a buffalo, she just doesn't know it yet. When I leave I'll go to the Walk About Love, currently living on the beach for a month or two, then back here to get my stuff, go see some long-time friends I haven't visited yet in Israel, and then Tel Aviv until the plane ride home. We lucked out and because of the British Airways strike we get a direct flight home on El Al for no charge. The night before our plane we'll all reunite on the beach in Tel Aviv for a fun final night together. Things are crazy. It's crazy that I won't live with any of these people anymore. I LOVED living with them so much, each individual person, I don't want to not live with them anymore. I don't want to go home and be alone. Where here I can come now and type this on the computer, but before typing this I was with people, and when I finish I will again be with people, and that has been a constant in my life all year, that wherever I am and whatever I'm doing, there are always people there, people who are here with me. I'm scared for that to end. I'm scared also that I'll go home and do things the same like before I left. I'm SO excited to go home, t0 see my friends and family again, but I'm worried that I'll go and be so happy to be there and to be doing my things again that I'll just go back to how everything was before this year, before this year where I grew so much and became such a better version of myself. I don't want to lose any of that by being excited to be home again, because the two are beautiful things. I know they can exist together, and I suppose I have confidence in myself to use my return as a way to reflect and look at all I've grown and take pride in it, but the idea that something else could happen is pretty scary.
I've enjoyed every minute of this year. I've learned so much, from each person, interaction, experience, discussion, I've learned so much about myself, about people, about the world and different opinions and perspectives and ways of life. These are things I can't lose. This year has been absolutely beautiful, and I know it's not just because of this year but because we live in a beautiful world. Any world where this can exist is a beautiful one.

I guess I didn't get to talking about all those things I said I would, but maybe somehow...